Hello, 4 years ago, after my boyfriend left me, I experienced a crashdown. Although I managed to go on with my everyday activities and work, the degree of pain that I felt was enormous and unbearable. I was like a zombie for the next 2 years. I am sure that something went seriously wrong with me during that period and I don't want to go through the same suffering ever again. I suspect that the fact that my boyfriend left me was not the (main) cause of my depression, there were other underlying issues. Therefore, I won't go to any details about the breakup. Nevertheless, I haven't been able to form another relationship since then. I feel really scared and I scare away any potential date. I am really nasty and aggressive with men and cannot feel relaxed. It's a pity because some of the people I meet are really nice guys. I think I do this just to punish myself for having felt vulnerable. I know I can't stay alone for ever but I am scared to form an intimate relationship, even to have sex, that I used to enjoy so much. The idea of even touching someone is out of the question. I'm really concerned about my behavior. How can I open up and become my old self? Thanks in advance for your time
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